‘How to Avoid Rape’

I was sent this link by a well meaning friend, however I find it offensive. VERY offensive.

I almost can’t count the ways in which this angers me to the very bone.

However I will try.

1) I don’t see ANY EXCUSE for offensive statements such as the following:

‘ These groups have come up with all kinds of interesting variations and shadings all of which are lumped under the title of rape’ Like what, date rape, a woman in a shirt skirt, if your married or not? Rape is sex without consent END OF, there is no such thing as ‘grey rape’. If you don’t consent it’s rape.

‘There is a reason rape charges are usually handled with a degree of scepticism by the police’

That reason is sexism and misogyny. oh wait he means; ‘it often means it is an angry woman who is trying to get back at someone by claiming that he raped her.’ Way to BLAME THE WOMEN AGAIN!

“We don’t expect to be assaulted over what we say or do. When that happens, instead of accepting that our actions contributed to the situation, we seek to assign blame.’

Assign blame? damn right we do, the only one responsible for rape is the rapist! Unless my ‘actions’ include ‘being a woman’.

‘If you think it’s other people’s responsibility not to do you wrong
while you’re having fun (including putting yourself into diminished
capacities)
the there’s not a whole lot anyone can do to keep you from getting raped … including yourself.’

So I now have to take responsibility for the criminal intentions of other people?Am I supposed to operate some sort of mind control?

This is just disturbing:

‘Let us for example, say that in the midst of hot and heavy making out your date begins to become too aggressive and you decide that “No maybe this isn’t such a good idea after all.” Suddenly announcing that you’re in the middle of your period so you’re not going to have sex with him isn’t really believable. (why didn’t you mention it earlier?) This is where the idea of “no means no” is often proven to be good in theory but hard to put into practice. You’re telling a larger, stronger, probably drunk and definitely horny person — who’s deeply engaged in a kind of thought process that doesn’t deal very well with being told ‘no’ — NO.  And you’re being deceitful about it by claiming its your period.’

Way to excuse the guy from ANY RESPONSIBILITY. It’s exactly this kind of excusing behaviour and attitude that leads to guys thinking they can ignore ‘no’ in the first place.

and the jackpot of what is possibly one of those offensive victim blaming pieces of bullshit I’ve read in a long while :

‘Don’t Put Yourself in a Situation Where You Could Be Raped
At first glance, this is the biggest “NO DUH!” statement we could make. And yet, it is something that the nearly 100,000 US women — who are raped every year – didn’t manage! So obviously this idea needs to be looked at more closely.‘

So you insult victims to make a (very dubious) point? very nice.

‘They believe they cannot be touched without their consent, much less attacked.’

WE do not believe we CANNOT we believe we SHOULD NOT an we have every right to that belief, adn it is the belittling and eradiaction of that belief that ledas to rape.

2) I don’t see any excuse for the belittling of DV shelters and other rape organisations and charities.

Excuse me if I feel uncomfortable taking advice about rape from someone who disparages the valubale work done with victims.

I also have porbelms with people who can’t use basic grammar, rape does not ‘effect’ you ffs.

All in all it’s more victim blaming bullshit designed to put the onus on women to ‘protect’ themselves and avoid putting any responsibility on society and the way women are treated that makes rape so epidemic. The fact that women are persistently portrayed as being little more than being to please men, always ‘up for it’ that it’s seen as acceptable for men to get women drunk so they are ‘up for it’ (which is the small end of date rape wedge). Want to stop rape? STOP BLAMING WOMEN AND BLAME THE RAPISTS, CONVICT THE RAPISTS, CHANGE THE ATTITUDES THAT MAKES SEXUAL ABUSE AND RAPE ‘ACCEPTABLE’.

And after all that I’m not sure I found any useful self defence tips.

Yes the guy may be ‘well meaning’ in not wanting women to get raped, but by repeating these backwards attitudes he’s just adding to the rape culture and the way our society does not take rape, and especially rape victims, seriously.

He also has some gems on domestic violence:

‘It will take a lot of work on your part, but there is no excuse for maintaining an abusive relationship.’

So a woman who feels desperate and trapped in abusive relationship is bringing it on herself? Yes leaving a violent partner is recommended but, to blame the woman for staying with someone? Some situations do not always make leaving easy, or even possible. More victim blaming , lovely.
What he thinks of feminists:

‘When faced with such a blatant lack of common sense, the average person tends to blink, mutter something about “well in a perfect world…” and rapidly change the subject. What is equally confusing to the normal person, however, is the moral outrage and incredible anger of those who advocate such  extreme ideals.  Such advocates  are honestly and self-righteously furious that the biker bar fantasy doesn’t exist in the real world.  These people see nothing unrealistic about their expectations of how the world should behave towards them. Unfortunately, this is just one of many extreme ideological dogmas that serve to fuel their anger at men, relationships,  the legal system and society in general. In fact, one can postulate that these unrealistic expectations — and the world failing to meet them — are a constant source for much of their anger.

These unrealistic expectations aren’t about making the world a better place. They are about the individual reinforcing a dissatisfied personality and a nihilistic world view.’

I’m sorry but these ‘unrealistic’ expectations are abour reinforcing a basic human right I have to not be attacked, assulated or otherwise wise discriinated agaisnt becuase of my gender. Yes the world is not perfect and shit happens but that does not mean we should stop fighting for our beliefs.

‘The basic idea is that it is society that has to do all the work and change its beliefs, not them.’

Society SHOULD change it’s sexist, racist, homophobic, disabalist , transphobic, xenophobic, ageist and other offensive behaviour. juts becuase shit happens it does not mean I have to accept it.

‘They negate the freedom and individuality of others while insisting on their own. This can be summed up by simply saying: While they have the right to walk naked through a biker bar, a biker doesn’t have the right to say anything about it.’

Bullshit, the biker can say what he wants, but if he offensive to my person, if he assaults me, insults me, that’s his fault NOT MINE. Freedom is dependent on being a decent member of society, when someone abuses their freedom and individuality to insult, degrade of attack me they forfeit their right to have their freedom and individuality accepted by me.

I am sick of being told I should accept bullshit becuase something worse is being prevented. If someone gives a million pounds to charity that does not nullify their responsibility and absolve them from criticism if they should murder, I’m sick of this hollow and flawed argument being wheeled out. Just becuase someone has noble intentions it does not excuse anything offensive they may do or say, it does not give them a get out of jail free card. I resent having the guilt card played on me, the assumption that by choosing to call this guy on his sexist and offensive bullshit I am somehow aiding rapists and making any self defence tips null and void.The cries that I can’t object ideologically and politically becuase ‘that wont help me when I’m attacked by a 6 ft 5 15 stone man’. This assumes that if I did find myself in a dangerous situation I would just start a lecture of the evils of the patriarchy and expect it to go away, this is insanity,. it makes no sense. Yes If I did find myself in a situation where I was at risk I would be grateful for self defence tips, but the fact is right now I am NOT in that situation and I am using my right to speak out against attitudes and behaviour I find abhorrent. I don’t care if the guy rescued a million kittens and gave all his money to build schools for disadvantaged children, he still made offensive statements about rape victims and played into the hands of rape culture, victim blaming and rape apologists to further his own ends.

These are just the sorts of scar tactics and controlling bullshit that women have been subjected to for years, terrify us so we won’t speak up.

I am within my right to say that yes while some of those tips might be good , the website smacks of sexism, misogyny and rape apologist and victim blaming behaviour.

Rather a long rant there but I had to get it off my chest, it’s wound me up so much.